Disappointment

My mentor is disappointed with me. This is the first time he's told me that. And, God, I hate it.

I am working on not gossiping at work, and I haven't been doing so well. We just started working on this a little over a week ago, and I've already earned two spankings for it. And worse than the two spankings I've got coming, is the fact that I've disappointed my mentor.

There's not much I like hearing more than him saying that he's proud of me. And not much that hurts deeper than him saying that he's disappointed in me. It actually brought tears to my eyes.

But I sure did keep my mouth shut at work last night. Every time I even thought about saying something I knew I shouldn't, I thought about how much more disappointed he'd be if I had to tell him again, especially the second day in a row, that I participated in the gossip. And how much worse that would feel. As I saw it, my options were:

A) Keep my mouth shut
B) Participate in the gossip, be honest and tell him, disappoint him more, and get more spanking
C) Participate in the gossip, don't tell him (lie), tell him later, disappoint him even more than if I'd told the truth, and get a serious blistering for lying (plus likely get the spanking for gossiping that I didn't get earlier)

C is just not an option. I've been down that road before. I DON'T want to go down it again. I refuse to go down it again. So it's down to A or B - behave or suffer the consequences (in the words of a dear friend). And believe it or not, I actually chose to behave. Now hopefully I'll actually be able to do it two shifts in a row!