Thursday, February 12, 2009


Hi friends,

It's been some time since I've posted, so I wanted to give you all a quick update. I'm writing from work right now, so I have to be kind of careful about what I type... too many people with interested eyes walk behind me at the computer.

My Mentor, the man who promised me he wouldn't disappear on me like some other people had disappeared on me. I got an e-mail from him one day, and everything was fine, and then he was gone. His information on a couple of websites was changed, and his e-mail account was disabled. This was four months ago, and I've not heard from him since. It was hard. I trusted him. He and I had sat and talked, looking each other in the eye, for 8 hours straight. I believed him when he promised me he wasn't going to disappear. I don't understand. I still have the story of our last meeting half written. It's just been too hard to finish since he's been gone.

So Vincent has been taking care of all my discipline since then. That's not a bad thing. I love and respect Vincent. He's a wonderful man, and when the discipline is done, we watch movies and talk and have alot of fun. And he is the most incredible cook. Of course, I always manage to get in enough little trouble while I'm visiting that I get plenty of spankings in the day or two that I'm there. The problem is that we live four hours apart, and our schedules don't allow for visits very often. I'm going this weekend, and it will be my first visit since early December. That's way too long between spankings for me. Way too long to go without discipline.

Vincent and I have a great relationship, and I wouldn't give it up for anything. But I miss the relationship I had with Steve (my Mentor). The two of them are alot alike in alot of ways, but their personalities are as different as night and day. God, I miss him. I miss the groundedness talking to him gave me. I miss everything about him.

I've met with one local guy since Steve disappeared. As I tend to do, I did not get to know him well before I met with him. He spanked very hard. Very, very hard. I can take that. But when he told me that if I wanted him as a disciplinarian, I couldn't get spanked by anyone else, I cried. He thought it was because he was an expert spanker. It wasn't. It was the thought of giving up Vincent for this guy.

Now, with the right person, I have no problem with the thought of him being my only spanker, my only disciplinarian. That's what I want... one person... consistency. Someone who knows me well, who cares. But this guy didn't know anything about me, and I couldn't give up Vincent for him. Besides.... he mumbled. Badly. It was actually kind of funny. I was bent over the stool, bare bottom, (notice how awfully careful I'm being with what I'm typing at work????) and he was paddling me, and he'd ask a question, and I couldn't understand a single word he said. How was I supposed to answer correctly???? Geeze.... Anyway... there was no sense of connection with him. It was just a spanking. There was nothing caring about it. I haven't even talked to anyone besides Vincent, much less been spanked by anyone else, since that day.

I do have some online friends who have been worried about me since I haven't posted anything here, or on my Flickr page, or been on any of the websites I'd been visiting, or even been on Yahoo Messenger for a few months now. I'm sorry to have worried anyone.

I had a fire at my house a couple of weeks ago. It was my fault. I forgot to blow out a candle before I went to bed. The fire it started did $9000 worth of damage to the house, and destroyed almost $42,000 of personal property, including all my computer equipment and most of my photography equipment... all my clothes and shoes....everything in my bathroom.

The cause and origin investigator said it started as an electrical fire. There was no trace of the candle left, and I wasn't mentioning it. He said I was damn lucky to be alive after putting the fire out myself.

So that's what's been going on in this brat's life. I'll try to get some of the things finished that I've got started writing. And I'll have a new one after this weekend. Yep.... I'm getting a red bottom for Valentine's Day. To remind me to never leave a burning candle unattended again.



Anonymous said...

Hi Jess,
It is nice to see you again. So sorry you've had such a rough time lately. I hope you have a lovely weekend.
My best,

Anonymous said...

Hi Jess,

I like reading your blog, you remind me a lot of my self,lol I've had many different conversations with wannabe Doms to,they have not got a clue!

Anonymous said...

So sorry for what happened to you recently. Things will get better again and you'll hopefully get more spankings...

All the best,